Apple Cinnamon & Vanilla

As I sat in my living room thinking about the past few months of this year, I just couldn’t help but to grow a little sad. “What has happen to my life”, I thought to myself. It was a warm spring evening; I had poured me a glass of wine and open the sliding screen door to let some fresh air into the living room. A warm breeze with a slight chill gently hit my face. The breeze filled my living room and gave me a relaxing vibe feeling. “I love spring evenings”, I thought as I went to go get my candle lighter. I had lit several of my favorite scented candles, which were apple cinnamon and vanilla; the room began to smell like apple pie and vanilla ice cream. The mood was set; all I needed was a little background music to help me think about some current events that took place in my life. I went and pull out my cd case, and I found this CD with no writing on it, but it did have a sad face on it and the number 3. “Perfect”, I thought. “This fits my mood perfectly”. When I put the CD in the CD player and sat in my chair and took a sip of the wine, I listened to the first song which brought tears to my eyes.



The song faded into the background of the living room. Tears began to fall out of my eyes as I realized how I allowed a man to come into my life and rip my heart out. I took another sip of my wine and set the glass down on the side table beside the chair. I sat up in the chair and drop my head. I was tired, tired of all the lying, him treating me as if I was nothing and all of the lonely nights as he left me to deal with the issues of my life on my own. I was just tired of putting in 100 + and all I was getting was 20. I was tired of sacrificing for him but when I want him to do the same it was an issue. I had put my life on pause to get him back on his feet. I’ve been used, my bank account was low, my spirit was drained and I just couldn’t give anymore. Now he’s gone and I’m alone. . . Another breeze blew through the living room making the candles flicker light in the living room. I just sat in the moment and smile to myself as I listen to the next song.

As the second song filled my room with its last note, I just couldn’t help but think, “Would I truly be alright?” I looked at my wine glass and glanced all around my living. I had paused and admired a piece of art that I had brought at an art gallery. The painting was of a small child gazing down a river’s path. The child was alone in the painting so I had assumed that he was lost and couldn’t find his way home, but somehow it seemed as though the child knew that if he follows the river’s path, he will eventually make it home because the child’s facial expression was at peace as the river flowed in the direction of the sun. As I reached for my wine glass, I just thought of how much I am just like the lost boy in the painting. I have been up and down since my recent break up. I had turned into “that” guy desperate for love, wanting and needing it. I had lost myself in him trying desperately to please his every need, pushing my needs aside hoping he won’t leave me. When and where did I make this wrong turn? . . . “God something has got to change”, I thought. I just sat, closed my eyes and had a long overdue talk with God. Tears flow as my conversation went on for an hour. . . I had opened my eyes and just spoke through the tears. “I may have to be alone for a while, but if that is what I have to do to get back to me, then that is exactly what I will do. Another breeze blew into my living room as if God himself was pleased. I sat back in my chair and picked up my glass of wine and listened to last song on the CD with an expression of peace on my face like the little boy in the painting.

River Rise: Carry Me Back Home - Chapter 4

The cool summer night blew into the window as I was driving back home. “I just couldn’t believe she’s gone” I thought to myself. I thought about what to do next like funeral arrangements, grave stones, but first things first I needed to call up the rest of my family. I arrive back at the apartment complex and pulled in my usually parking spot. I looked around to see if Rich’s car was there, but it was nowhere to be found. I’d check my phone to see if I had any missed calls, but I didn’t, not even a text message. “Fuck, where is he?” I thought as I walked up the flight of stairs to my apartment. I pulled out my keys, turned the knob and walked in. The apartment was dark and cool, and it looked exactly how I felt a mess. “You can really tell that two guys live here” I thought as I picked up the clothes, put the dishes in the dishwasher and vacuumed the place from end to end. While I was vacuuming in the living room I notice Grandma Mattie’s picture hanging on the wall. Tears immediately flowed from the confines of my spirit, out of my eyes and streamed themselves down my cheeks. I felled to my knees and cried out to God:

“Why have you deserted in my time of need God?”

“I’ve gone to church . . .

“I’ve said my prayers . . .”

“I’ve done nothing but good in your name”

“Why do I feel so alone!!!”

“It’s like . . . you don’t hear me”

“It’s like . . . you enjoy my pain”

“Why have allowed the enemy access to my life?”

“Tell me please, so I can understand”

Understand why you have taken my grandmother away”

Understand why you allowed me to be in a loveless relationship”

Understand why the people around me take, but never give”

“I’m on my last strand of faith God”

“I’m not sure how much more I can take”

“I thought you were a merciful God”

“Thought you would take care of me”

“Where are you!!!!!”

“Answer me dammit!!!!!!!!

“Where are you!!?”

“Please, just tell me why!!”

“I just need an answer”

……………………..

The tears began to subside as I release my anger. I’m sure Grandma Mattie wouldn’t be please with my behavior towards God. She would always say, “Do not question the man, who already knows and has the answers . . . God has your best interests at heart, so shut up and accept what God allows”. I got up off my knees with tear stained eyes and went to the kitchen for a glass of wine to sooth my sorrows. I’d pulled out a wine glass and went to the refrigerator to get the white wine. I pour a glass, lit a vanilla scented candle and turned on the radio.

I’d almost drop my glass when I heard one of Grandma Mattie’s favorite gospel songs “Accept What God Allows by Bishop Richard “Mr. Clean” White & Twinkie Clark. As I sat there and listen to the songs and drinking my wine, I couldn’t help but smile. For one moment I was at peace when the song ended. Guess who decided to show up.

River Rise: Carry Me Back Home - Chapter 3

*Okay let’s go back a couple hours to 3:35am that Saturday morning.*

Yo, have you ever been so horny that you just couldn’t help yourself? I mean there are so many beautiful men and women out there, how can you not want to tap something. It’s something about catching that dude’s eye and getting him to do whatever I want him to do or getting that sexy ass female to kneel before me servicing me like the chocolate, 10in dick and 6’0”ft king I am. Yeah I know, I should just be single, but don’t judge me . . . I love my dude and I try to stay faithful; in fact, it’s different with him. I’m not just fucking Jacob I’m making love to him, but I do feel like I’m missing something out there. Come on now, don’t judge me . . . these hoes out here don’t mean a thing to me. It’s just fucking . . . and what my dude doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

I stood in one of the red lit rooms in the back of the club. The muffle beats of club music can be heard far off in the distance. I laid my back against the wall as the sounds of moans and groans grew louder in the next room. “Dam, who ever that is, is getting that shit” I thought to myself as the dude I was with unbuckled my pants. He was a young, naïve looking bruh, a stupid ass mother fucker, just another hoe willing to do any and everything just to get some dick. I knew I didn’t have much time before the club close so I told dude let’s get this shit on and popping. I couldn’t stand that I was cheating on Jacob, but my dick had to get a taste of this young, smooth, tight ass bruh. Guilt over took me as dude pulled my dick out from my boxers and placed it in his mouth. Sucking it at a slow pace at first, but picking up speed as my dick grew harder. It felt so good, but my guilt only grew stronger with every flick of his tongue on my dick.

I reached in my pockets and pulled out blunt I made earlier. I had to do something to taking my mind off of Jacob. When I lit the blunt and took a long hit, all of my morals and concerns about Jacob dulled out as the pleasure I was receiving intensify. I laid my head back as dude began to suck my dick harder and faster. I took another hit of the blunt. “Dam, nigga . . . go ahead and suck that shit” I said as I grab dude’s head and force my dick down his throat. I felt him start to resist me when the dick became too much for him to deep throat. Still I kept forcing him to take every inch of my dick. His struggles were turning me on, and as the spit drip down the sides of his mouth and along my shaft I let dude go.

He took a quick pause . . . “Dam yo, what the fuck” he said looking at me gasping for air.

“Shut the fuck up and get back to what you were doing” I said grabbing his head and forcing my dick down his throat with one hand and the blunt in the other. Dudes mouth was good as fuck as I tried to go balls deep in dude’s mouth.

I took another hit of the blunt. The shit had me horny than a motherfucker, the sounds of my dick in that warm mouth all I could think of was “I had to fuck”. I let go of dude and told him to get his ass up, pulled his pants down and get up against the wall. Just like a stupid motherfucker, he did what he was told. I strapped up (can never be too careful these days) and used my spit as lubrication. I let dude take a hit of the blunt so he can relax a bit before I fuck the shit out of his ass. I slowly slid my dick in side of him. Shit was tight as motherfucker but dude allowed me to go in. His ass was nice and wram and it warp around my dick just right. As I went deeper inside of him, the more I began to hate myself. I hate doing this to Jacob but I was a prisoner of the addiction, I was prisoner of my own sin, trapped by my own body. I pushed further inside of him making him moan louder. His ass felt, so good as he threw that ass back on my dick. I took the blunt back and took another hit. Surges of pleasure hit my dick as dude began to slide up and down on it.

The deeper it went inside of him, the more the hate grew. Not only I hated myself, but I hated him. “Stupid ass mother fucker” I thought as began to take control and slam my dick inside of him hard. “Shiiiit yo, you’re hurting me” dude said trying to stop me. I held both of his hands together against the wall and forced him to take it. Pounding his ass like there was no tomorrow. I couldn’t stand him; everything about dude began to disgust me. His moans, his body, and he control over me. I thought I was stronger than my addiction, but I was weak and I hated him for making me weak. With one last stroke of my dick in his ass I bust a phat nut inside of him. I kept my dick inside dude for awhile breathing hard on his back. I took another hit of the blunt . . . and slowly pulled my limp dick from him. I’d pulled the condom off, threw it in the trash, pulled and zipped my pants up, and then I headed out the door. I left dude there ass out. I didn’t even look at him. If I did I knew I would fuck his punk as up for making me weak.

As I headed back and proceeded my way out the club exit to meet up with my boys, I notice that Jacob had called and left a voicemail. I dialed 1 for voicemail ***(You have one unheard message, to play the message press one.) (Click) (First message) “Yo, what the fuck is really good man, sending me to voice mail and all. Its 4:30am where the hell you at!! Give me call when get this. I’m on my way to the hospital to see about my Grandma”. *** After I heard the message, I told my bois to go on without me and we can meet up later tonight. We dap and I got in my car and headed home. I was so fucking high I didn’t even realize what time Jacob said on his message. “Fuck!! I said as I looked at the clock on my car radio.

River Rise: Carry Me Back Home - Chapter 2

“Jacob. . . Jacob!” said my mom running towards me.

“The doctor said she doesn’t have much time”

“What happen to her?” I said as I began to tear up.

“The doctor said she had a stroke and he’s expecting the worst”

Just then a middle age white man came out of my grandmother’s room.

“How is my grandmother doing doctor?”

“Please call me Dr. Murphy”.
“Your grandmother is stable right now, but I am certain she doesn’t have much longer”

“Why are you so certain?” I said

“The stroke caused a severed reduction in blood to the brain causing her brain to be deprived of oxygen”

“Can I see her?” I said as the thought of me losing my grandma became a reality.

“Yes, but just one person at a time”

“You go baby” my mom said.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself in there, seeing my mother in a hospital bed.”

“We’ll just stand out here and pray for Grandma Mattie” said my mom

I gave my mother a hug and proceed into the room. It was weird seeing her like this; lying in that hospital bed with a mask over her face. I couldn’t help but shed some more tears as I listen to the heart monitor beep to the rhythm of my grandma’s heart beat. I thought back to a past memory of me and my grandma. She was holding me in her arms when I was six, singing her favorite hymn.

Dream sequence

*Singing*

“Jesus, keep me near the cross,
There a precious fountain
Free to all, a healing stream
Flows from Calvary’s mountain.”

*Grandma Mattie sung the beautiful hymn*

“What is that you’re singing grandma?” I said as I looked up into her warm brown eyes.

“It’s an old hymn baby” said grandma humming the rest of the hymn.

“Why do you sing it?”

“Because it keeps me going baby”

“How does it keep you going grandma?”

“Because it reminds that all my troubles won’t last forever baby”

“I don’t understand?” I said making a confused face at my grandma

“You will baby” said grandma rubbing my cheek.

She went back to singing the old hymn. As my eyes began to close, I heard grandma say, “And when you do go through the hard times, never forget these two things; never forget who God is, and never forget who you are baby”.

*Singing* “In the cross, in the cross,
Be my glory ever;
Till my rapture soul shall find
Rest beyond the river.”

___________________________________

I held my grandma’s hand and began to sing her favorite hymn as the heart monitor beats got slower and slower.

“Near the cross I’ll watch and wait
Hoping, trusting ever,
Till I reach the golden strand,
Just beyond the river.”

As I sung the last word the heart monitor flat lined

“Nurse! Doctor! HELLPPP, PLEASSEE” I yelled as I held on to my grandma’s hand hoping that she will come back to me.

The Dr. Murphy rushed in, but he knew it was too late.

“Please help her doctor!”

“I’m sorry son, but there is nothing I can do”

“There has to be something, where’s the fucking crash cart, GO GET THE FUCKING CRASH CART!!!” I said as the pain rolled in my stomach

“I’m sorry but again there is nothing I can do” the doctor said as he clicked off the heart monitor.

Just then something clicked inside of me. My pain turned into anger and before I knew it I had attacked the doctor. I just kept hitting and hitting. I heard someone yell for security and when I realized what I have done; I was being escorted out of the hospital. I thought I was going to jail but the guard just told me to go home and don’t come back. As I reluctantly went back to the parking and got back in my car, I felt the pain of loss filled my insides. I just laid my head on the steering wheel and cried.

River Rise: Carry Me Back Home

“Did you ever get the feeling that you’ve somehow lost yourself along the way in this lifestyle?” Whether you’ve felt this way or not, there’s going to come a time when you have to ask yourself the age old question, “Who Am I?” “Am I Black?” or “Am I African American?”, “Am I Bi?” or “Am I Gay?”, “Am I Masculine?” or “Am I In-between?” “Am I Top or Bottom” or maybe your neither of those things and your just simply you. Any ways your time will come but for now just hear me out.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Jacob S. Peterson Jr. I am 27 years old and I am currently in a law program at UNC at Charlotte in North Carolina. I am enjoying and hating every bit of it lol. I also work at Davis & McCoy Law Firm here in Charlotte as a paralegal under Mr. Anthony R. Davis. I have a good life, a man who has my heart, and a wonderful job. What more can I ask for? Even though life seems good, I have this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach that my good life is going to change for the worst. I just didn’t that it would all start with a phone call.

(Ring, Ring)

The house phone rang.

“Who the fuck is calling at 3 am”, I thought to myself as I looked sleepily at the clock.

(Ring, Ring)

I scrambled out of bed to pick up the phone.

“Hello”

“Jacob!” said my mom breathing hard and crying

“What’s wrong mom?” I said in a scared concern tone.

“It’s Mama Mattie”

“What about grandma?” I said as my fear increased

“They rushed . . .

Her to the hospital . . .

. . . It doesn’t look to good Jacob” said my mom trying to keep from
crying.

“Calm down Mom, okay. I said in a calming voice

Where are they taking her?” I said.

“To Presbyterian hospital on Hawthorne Lane”

“Okay, I will be right there!”

“Alright baby, and please hurry!” said my mom fearing the worst.

I hung up the phone up, and threw on some sweats, a wife beater, some
sneakers and a jacket. As I grabbed the keys to my car I noticed that Rich wasn’t home. I paused for a moment . . . but quickly pushed the thought of Rich whereabouts out of my head. I had to get to the hospital and see what is up with Grandma Mattie.

On the way to the hospital my mind flashed between Grandma Mattie and Rich. “Where the hell he could be?” I thought as I pulled out my cell phone to call him. I can hear Grandma Mattie’s voice now as I search for Rich’s number.

“Baby, that tech stuff is no good; when was the last time you dial a number? I swear for God, people just don’t know how to communicate anymore”. I thought smiling to myself as Rich’s phone rang.

(Ring, Ring . . .Yo, you’ve reached Rich leave a message after the beep)

“Yo, what the fuck is really good man, sending me to voice mail and all. Its 4:30am where the hell you at!! Give me call when get this. I’m on my way to the hospital to see about my Grandma”.

A couple mins later I’ve arrived at the hospital. I parked in the parking lot of the ER and ran to the front desk.

“Excuse me miss, I’m looking for Ms. Mattie C. Peterson’s Room” I said not sure what to think about my grandmother’s health.

“Yes sir she is located in room 306” said the young petite nurse.

“Thank you”

I rushed down the hall, down to the nearest elevator. When I got to the third floor, I saw my mother, father, and sister, all standing in the hall sobbing.

“Was I too late?”

Untitled 3

"Hurt by the past

Its pain projected into the future.

Afraid to face the present,

Afraid to face his love,

This is my tragic inevitability."

When He Loves Another, and Doesn't See You

I'm sure most of you have been attracted, and had develop some type of feelings for a man that loves another. Me & this dude met a while back, and it was nice speaking to someone who has the same taste of music as me, and it is very rare that I would connect with someone on a mental level. Everything was going fine until he told me that his ex had contacted him via a text message. He reveal to me that he was still in love with his ex. I must admit I was a little taken aback when he told me this. In my mind I wondered how can I compete with a person who clearly has his heart. Should I stay, Should I go? These thoughts ran through my head.

He asked me what he should do? There was much compassion, and love in his voice when he said this. It was almost as if he wanted me to give him permission to something he knew he had to do, and that was to tell his ex how he truly felt. So I set my bruised ego aside, and told him that he should tell his ex how he felt. Long story short the ex never responded, and again I felt like I had a chance.

Maybe a week had past, and as my feelings for him grew a little deeper because I finally went to visit him. It was a nice visited, and I understood that my feelings for him were just that feelings, but they were on the pathway of falling in love with him some day. Still he didn't know how I felt, and that my feelings were starting this journey to love.

As my feelings deepen with every phone conversation we had, out of the blue the ex finally contacts him via a phone call. My feelings were hurt because I knew I was about to miss out. When he told me this over the phone. My emotions got the best of me, and I told him how I felt (That was my bruised ego talking) I started thinking as I was telling him how I felt, "Was it fair for me to do this to him?", and it wasn't. I made a decision, and asked him one question, "Does your ex make you happy?", and his answer was, "yes". Then I told him, "That he owe it to himself to see where him, and his ex could go". I told him,"That I rather have him as a friend than to not have him at all in my life because I truly cared about him" (Now that was the real love within me talking).

Don't get me wrong it hurt, but real love itself isn't jealous of another. Real love doesn't restrict another's happiness because you had feelings for a person as if you had some claim to them.

"Real love gives freedom, and Real love is freedom"` Osho

I hope it does work for him because I do want him to be happy. Maybe I was meant to be just a friend. Who knows . . . anyways I learned that you need to set aside your ego, so you can see that if you truly like/love someone, and truly want them to be happy you should step aside and let them have their happiness. That is what real love would do for a person you truly care about.

. . . . . . . . .Lesson Learned.

Sexual Frustrations Series: ATop'sDesire

It was about 3 a.m. in the morning and my dick was on rock. I don’t know what is about the early morning but I am always horny at this time. I decided to log on BGC and check my messages. Soon as I log in I hear that dam *Bing* sound. “I really need to turn that shit off”, I thought to myself. I look over my messages and it’s the usual fucking one worded messages. I really can’t stand that shit. I mean if all you got to say is “sup” then don’t say shit at all. My dick started throbbing with pain as I began to browse profiles of dudes with half naked pictures up. I needed some ass and I need some now. I was about to log off and jack my dick to some X-tube videos when I heard that dam *Bing* sound again. I clicked the ‘messages’ button and saw the screen name “AtopsDesire”. Dam, this made my dick jump up in excitement and that sexy ass pic he had up wasn’t helping either.

The message read:

Hey, what up bruh? I read ur profile n saw dat u hated 1 worded messages so I decided 2 write a lil more. LOL Im jus goin 2 be str8 up with you. I’m horny as fuc N I need sum dick. Hit me bac if ur down.

Dam, shawty was straight to the point. Which I had to give him props on. Well, before I reply back to anyone I always check out the stats first. According to his profile he was about 5’6”, 145lbs very tone but not to muscular. I went to read his profile just to make sure there weren’t any red flags like hostility, or desperation. Some niggaz like to bash other niggas, talking about “niggaz aint shit”, or “dis profile will be deleted in a couple of days”. Knowing good and well those couple of days were months ago.

I went to view his pictures which he had unlocked for a bruh. Shawty was on point. He had a cute face with sum big ass lips. The pics of his body were nice, but that ass was phat as hell. “How can such a small guy have an azz like that?” I thought to myself. My dick was throbbing and I had to reply back to this nigga. He instantly hit me back with directions to his crib, which I thought was a lil suspect. I could have been some killa or something and here was this lil dude giving out his information like that. Shawty told me to hit him up on his cell when I was on my way.

Shit it was about 4 a.m. now and my shit was still on rock and I couldn’t think straight; I was down for a quick fuc. I got cleaned up, got the lube, grab a couple golden tickets and head over to Shawty’s place. While I was in the car, I gave Shawty a called and as soon as I heard his voice it had my shit at attention. I told him that I was on my way and for him to get ready and shit. I told Shawty that I don’t mess with a dirty azz and he was like coo and told me to be ready for the best experience of my life. I hung up the phone thinking about my shit digging up in the tight hole of his and watching him ride my shit.

I was pulling up into the drive way when I saw Shawty opening the door. The pics didn’t do him justice. He was fine as hell. We gave each up dap and he lead me to his bedroom. When I open the door there were two other guys there just as fine as Shawty was. My dick stood at attention at the sight of the two other guys lying in the bed butt ass naked and fingering themselves. “Dam was I in a dream or what,” I thought to myself as Shawty pulled me towards the bed.

All three of them began undressing me, pulling my shirt off revealing my tight abs, pulling my timbs and socks off, unbuckling my pants and pulling them shits down and eventually pulling my boxers off letting my monster dick free from its cage. Shawty got undress and asked me if I like to eat ass. I told him fuck yeah. So he got up and lowered his ass on my face, while the other two suck my dick. My tongue swirled around his tight hole and as I slowly began to penetrate him with my tongue; I could feel my dick being shared between the two other guys. As one guy sucked my dick, the other guy was servicing my balls and vice versa. Shawty was on my face and moaning as my tongue went in and out of his ass. I told Shawty to go ahead and get some dick. So he bends down and takes all of me inside his mouth. Dam I couldn’t even concentrate on his ass any more. That shit was hot, Shawty deep throatin my shit as the other two had one of my balls in their mouths. Shit was feeling good. I told Shawty to get up so I can get a better look at the three of them sucking my shit. It was a beautiful sight having my dick being devoured by three hungry bottoms. I love the way Shawty sucked my dick nice and slow, then fast and hard in the other dude’s mouth and then wet and sloppy with a whole lot of tongue action in the third dude’s mouth. Shit, I was beginning to feel my nut coming so I stop them so I can show them my skills.

Shawty was first to get the dick, I slid the condom on my dick, and lubed his ass up and slowly slid my 10in dick in him missionary style. I told Shawty to eat his friend’s ass and get that shit wet. The third one got between my legs and started sucking my balls as I dug up in Shawty. Once I got my rhythm going, I pounded Shawty like there was no tomorrow. I love the way his ass felt on my dick and the way he squeezes my shit was pure bliss. Dude underneath me had my balls dripping wet when I pounded the shit out of Shawty. A few more pumps and I was ready for the next dude.

I took off the condom off and put a fresh one. Good thing I brought a few golden tickets with me. I told dude that was getting his ass ate by Shawty to ride my shit. I lay back on the bed and felt dude slide down on my shit. Dam, his ass was even tighter than Shawty’s. He rode me like a cow boy, sliding up and down on my shit. Shawty and the other dude were servicing my balls nicely. Shit felt so good hearing dude moan on my dick and the sounds of my balls being sucked at the same time. I began thrusting my dick up into dude’s ass hitting that spot. He began moaning even louder and as I hit that spot for the last time he nutted a phat load all over my chest. He shot everywhere; shit almost hit me in the face.

I told the third dude to get on all fours, as I took the second condom off and put another one on. I was going to hit that shit doggy style. He told me he didn’t like that position and I told him that he hadn’t had had me hit that shit yet. I told Shawty to suck his dick and I told other dude who had just nutted to get between my legs and suck my balls. As I slid my shit up into dude doggy style he tries to resist me by pushing me out and arching his back like a cat. I told him to relax and take my shit. Once I started hitting that spot and relaxed he started to throw that shit back on me. My dick getting fucked my some ass and my balls being serviced was a great feeling. I told dude who was throwing that shit back to get that nut. He started to throw that shit back faster and harder and before you knew it he busted a nut in Shawty’s mouth. I told Shawty to keep sucking that shit till he gets every last drop.

It was Shawty’s turn again, I told Shawty to get ready for me as I took the third condom off and put on a fourth. I got Shawty and the missionary position again because I loved the way he looked when I fuck his shit. In I went while one dude suck on Shawty’s dick and the other began kissing Shawty. “Dam that was hot as hell” I thought to myself. I began digging deeper into Shawty’s ass as the other dude started to deep throat Shawty’s dick. I pounded Shawty’s ass harder and harder. He began to moan louder and louder as he felt his nut coming. I quicken my pace to the rhythm of dude’s sucking motion and in an instant Shawty busted a phat nut down his friend’s throat.

I pulled out and started to jack my shit. All three of them got underneath my dick with their mouths wide open in anticipation of my nut. I stroke my dick harder and faster till I felt my nut coming. I looked them each in the eye and told them here it comes. My nut shot all over the place each of them getting a taste of me. I shot nut after nut and gave Shawty the last drop. . . .

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . the alarm clock flash 7:00a.m. When I got up my boxer was drench in my nut. Dam, I should have known that shit like that happens only in the porno or in your dreams. Fuck, back to reality.

"Untitled 2"

Time encompasses,
Our moment together,
Forever in my mind,
Not a day goes by,
When I don't think of you,
When I didn't dream of you.

Slowly the pain,
Drips from the confines,
Of my dreams down to,
the chambers of my heart,
And manifests,
its self,
as warm tears that,
I leave on my pillow.

A symbol of a heart breaking,
A sign of a soul dying.

Our love dies,
(The pain)
Of saying
(The sorrow)
Goodbye.

"Untiitled 1"

The two of us in the bed,
Listening to the words left unsaid,
Enjoying each other on another rainy day.

Holding you in my arms,
Loving you is charmed.

It's raining . . .

Looking you in the eyes,
Thanking God your mine.

It's raining . . .

Making love to you,
It's raining . . .
Tasting you ,
It's raining . . .
We're Climaxing,
It's raining . . .
I'm out of breath,
It's raining . . .

"I Love You"

Listening to the words left unsaid,
The two of us int the bed,
Enjoying each other on another rainy day.

Holding you in my arms,
Loving you is charmed.

It's raining . . .

Eventually Everything Comes to the Light Pt. 3

The Characters
Donavon – Main Character
Jersey – Donavon’s boyfriend
B (Real Name – Brian) – Jersey’s Paramour

Trent - Brian's Old College Friend

Well I know its been awhile. Please forgive me for taking five months to write another installment to the EEC2TL Series. I was looking back on my old post and I couldn't believe that I just let the story hang. Me and a friend of my (Mz. Bells) been helping with some ideas for the story line. So if you haven't read part 1 and 2 they are located in the month of June of 2009.

Five Months & Some Feelings

“Dam”, was what I thought when I looked over at the clock. B was sleeping peacefully in the bed after our little fuck session. “Fuck, that boy knew how to put it on a nigga”, “The way he moved his ass up on down on my shit”, I thought to myself smiling at the memory. It’s been five months since me and B been fucking on the side. I was still involve with Donavon. It was tough between us at first and after two months of arguing and shit, he finally let up after I told him there was nothing even going on between us. Guess he got tired of fighting with me. I told B that we needed to cool it for awhile while I tie up the loose ends to make Donavon feel secure. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fuck out of Donavon. He’s been there when I didn’t have shit. He help me through a rough patch in my life when know seem to care. I really do love him but lately it seems as though that spark we once had isn’t there anymore, but to find a dude that can love me like Donavon can, is dam there near next to impossible. You know how these gays are out here, seems like all they think about is getting the dick and once they got what they want. Mother fuckers bounce right on the next dick. Now I'm not knocking a hoeish nigga, when a nigga needs to get his dick wet, these hoes out here are just what I need to get the job done. But like the old saying goes, “You can’t turn a hoe, into a housewife especially no nigga”.

I glance over at B, “Dam, he look so fucking good and his boxer briefs. B was the type of dude that was a man in the streets and at home, but as soon as I got his ass in the sheets, he became the bitch I needed. We didn’t argue like Donavon and I did and if we did it wasn't over some pussy shit. He was like one of the homeboys that I smash once in awhile. I smile to myself as I gazed at B. . . . there was something different about this nigga. I mean it was all about the fucking at first, but now I think I was actually starting to develop feelings for him. “What are you thinking about Jersey?” B said lifting his head up from the pillow. “Nothing baby”. “Just thinking about how sexy you look when you sleep”. “Awww, well aren’t you fucking sweet” B said in a tired voice. “Isn’t it almost time for you to head back to your fucking Donavon”, “Yeah, it is” Jersey said in dull tone. It was almost five in the morning. I told Donavon that I had to work late and will not be coming home till early in the morning. He protest a little, but as soon as I laid this good dick on his ass, he had no objections. I notice B was staring at my boxers when I felt my dick jump at the thought of fucking. “Seems like someone is ready for another round”, “Nah, I’m good man, I really need to be heading home” I said as I grab my pants off the floor. Before I knew it B was in front of me, grabbing my shit. “Fuck, B I really got to go” I said pushing him away. B didn’t said a word, instead he pulled my pants out of my hands and slid my boxers down to my knees. “let me just handle this before you go” and as the last word left his lips, he began licking the head of my dick. Tasting my pre-nut and before I could stop him he had me balls deep in his mouth. “I told you there was something about this nigga, besides I still have time to spare”, I thought as I laid back on the bed.

Friday Morning . . . Poor Donavon

I awake in our sun lit room to find that Jersey hasn’t come home yet. Concern came across my face, but soon disappear when I thought back to our conversation yesterday. “Don’t wait up for me” said Jersey. Even though I knew he was working I still had this strange feeling that there was something more to the story than what he was telling me. “I shouldn’t be thinking like this” I thought to myself. Just then I heard the door slam down stairs. “Jersey is that you?” I yelled. “Who else could it be” he said in a aggravated tone. “Don’t be a smart ass Jersey”, “Look babe, I’m really tired from work; lets not start this morning” Jersey said as he walked into the bedroom. “Your right” I said getting up to give him a hug. Before I could even get close to him he pushes me away; talking about he needed to shower. “Alright” I said, “Do you want some breakfast”. “Nah, I’m good, I think I’m just going to go ahead and hit the bed and rest up for tonight. “You have to work again tonight?” I said. “Of course, and it looks like I’m going be coming home late again” he said with a smile, trying to keep the peace between us. “Okay”, I said in disappointed tone. “Thanks babe, I knew you will understand”. “Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you” he said grabbing his dick. I wasn’t that impress. It seem lately that sex was Jersey’s answer to everything. Sex with Jersey was hell of good, but it was the little things he used to do which turned me on. I remember how we would talk all night, play video games together, and how he used to say “I Love You” every chance he got. But as I gaze upon this man. I don’t even know who he is anymore. A stranger who is living in my house. “Donavon? Donavon?” he yelled, snapping me out of my thoughts. “I knew the dick was good, but dam babe”, “Got you daydreaming and shit” Jersey said smiling that smile I use to know before heading off to the bathroom. All I could do was just sigh.

Friends for Life?

B’s old college roommate has come back into town from California and they both decided to meet up at a restaurant to catch up on old times.

“What up Trent?” “Haven’t seen you in awhile?” B said getting up from the table giving Trent a enthusiastic hug. Trent was about 6’4 weighing about 236lbs and had muscles for days. Trent was a gym rat in college and by the looks of his body, he still was. Trent, not only had looks, he was also a gentleman through and through. At first glance you wouldn’t even think that Trent was gay. Trent and I were excellent at hiding that side of ourselves from each other in college. Both of us didn’t even have a clue; until one day, I was on a black gay social networking site and he hit me up. Well I didn’t know who he was at the time because we both didn’t have pictures posted. We were afraid that some dude might recognize us. We were so nervous about dudes finding us out that we even use fake names to give us more cover. What can I say, when it came to being discreet we had it down pack. Anyways, Trent or should I say (David) and I decided to meet up at a restaurant the following day, we’ve exchange phone numbers and he told me to call him when I get there. Me being the impatient one, decided that I want to at least hear his voice before I go off and meet a dude who turns out to be the opposite of what I was expecting. Now mind you, when I decided to call we were both in our dorm room. So I dial the number and Trent’s phone rung. I didn’t even think nothing of it. I actually thought it was an odd coincidence. Trent pick up the phone and when I heard his voice on my end. We both look at each other in shock. After an awkward moment of silence, Trent just started to laugh to break the tension. We had a long talk and came to the conclusion that it was best not to hook up because Trent felt a little weird about us being friends and he didn’t want to ruin that. Which is understandable, but I wouldn’t had mind getting a piece of Trent. Since the move we didn't talk that much, but we always made an effort to keep in contact with one another and I'm glad we did, still buddies for life . . .at least for now.

“So hows California been treating you and how long you will be staying?” I said. “Well California has been treating me good, but my job decided to transfer me back to work with the Atlanta branch”. “So does that mean . . .” “Yes, I will be here in good ol' Atlanta, Georgia until further notice” said Trent with a excited smile.

“Ahh man thats great, were going to have to celebrate, how about we go to our old hangout spot?”

“Man, I thought Club X closed down a long time ago”.

“Nah, man its still going strong and it's still the hottest spot to pick up the finest niggas in the ATL; in fact I met someone there”, I said.

“Oh, really. So B finally met someone. That’s great man I thought you will never stick with one dude considering what had happen in college”. Trent said in a concern tone.

“Ah man, why you gotta bring shit up from the past and besides it’s not even like that, but I think there is a possibility”

“Well who ever it is, seems like a great guy, but make sure you know who your dealing with; The last guy you messed with nearly had you put in the hospital”. said Trent deepen his concern tone.

“Don’t worry man, I’m the one in control this time”

“Alright, alright, I’ll trust in your judgement” said Trent.

“Yeah, man, anyway enough about me are we still on for tonight?” said B

“Yeah, I need to get out anyway”, said Trent.

“Yeah you do maybe you’ll meet someone out here”

“It’s funny you should said that man. There is someone out here whom I’m looking forward to getting re-aquatinted with”, said Trent with a smile on his face.

“Oh yeah, thats right you did use to go with Donavon” said B with a sly smile.

To be Continue . . .

"The Letter"

I love it when a song can inspire me to write. The song playing in the background is Joss Stone's "Girlfriend on Demand". This is a fictional "Dear John" letter, but was composed with some of my own experiences in mind. Enjoy

Dear John,

By the time you read this I'll be long gone, on my way from here. I'm glad my friend gave you this letter for me, I know you was confused to see him at my apartment instead of me. Anyways, I never thought I would ever write a letter such as this, but in order to get what I need to say out. It’s best for the both of us that I write it out. It’s been two years since we’ve been together and in those two years we had our ups and we had our downs. I remember when I first saw you across the street. After we exchanged glances I couldn’t believe how bold you were when you struck up a conversation with me and later ask me for my number. Do you remember how we would stay up all night, just talking about anything. I cherish those nights when we were on the phone and you felled asleep in the middle of our conversation LOL. Did you know that I’ve once laid in the bed and listened to sound of you breathing before I hung up? In that moment I’ve realized I was starting to fall in love with you. I remember when I accidentally let those three little words slip one night and you look at me, smile and gave me the biggest, most passionate kiss and told me you love me as well. At first things were cool. You would come over on some nights and we would watch movies, talk and kiss; then some how we would end up in my bed, making love till the sun came up. It wasn’t the sex that made me happy, I was happy just being in your arms, just being in love and finally having it reciprocated. Then something changed. Our phone calls became text messages and when I would call you never picked up. You would just text me back some excuse of how you couldn’t talk to me follow by the words “I luv U”. Your time with me became short and brief and when I would get emotional about somethings that was going in my life, you would get angry and tell me to just man up. I thought I could come to you for support but I guess I was wrong. Our love making became meaningless sex where I felt you were out to pleasure yourself instead of making it enjoyable for me as well. Was I was just a late night sex buddy to you? It didn’t even occurred to me that you hardly ever took me out, and if we did go out it was places where people would never be able to recognize you. I just couldn’t understand why. And when I confronted you about it; you would say that you're a private person and then follow up with some sweet gesture that would reassure me that I was something more and I just accepted it, couldn’t even stay mad at you for long. What can I say, I was in love with you and I just knew without a doubt you felt the same way. Even when those three little words disappeared from your vocabulary. I just thought, “its all in his actions”. But soon your actions didn’t measured up either. To your family and friends I was “just a friend” and you even introduce me as your cousin to your “ex-girlfriend” once, when we saw her in the store. Did you know how much that hurt, and how embarrassing It was for me to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. I doubt that you did. Yet, still I stuck around, hoping and praying that you would be the man I knew you could be. I should have known that when a man can’t speak of his love for you, then it means the love he has for you isn't in his heart anymore. It wasn’t until I saw you holding hands with a young lady in a restaurant when I was out with one of friends and a little boy by your side who looks a lot like you. At first I thought maybe it was just a family member or a really good friend, but then the little boy said, "kiss mommy, daddy" and you leaned over and gave her the passionate kiss I once felt. And in that moment all of my questions were answered. So here I am writing you this letter, my goodbye. I should be angry at you, don’t get me wrong I did a lot of thinking and crying over about what I should do, Wondering if I should confront you or not. When you texted me today asking if we can meet up just after a couple of days I saw you with her. I was even considering to be “that guy on the side” because of this slither of love I still have for you, but you know as well as I do, there is no fun in being in love all by yourself. Besides your son and girlfriend needs you more than I do and it's obvious you need them too.

Signed. . .
Your Once Boyfriend on Demand

Lyric

Sexual Frustrations

"Well It has truly been a while, well the title of this short story is pretty self-explanatory LOL. One thing I try to do with this story is make so that any one who loves a delicious black man can insert themselves into the story, by not revealing the sex of the teller of the story" Hope you enjoy . . .

I imagine him in a dark room lit by the vanilla scented candles he lay out for me. I smile a gleaming smile as I walked into our bedroom after taking a hot bath that he drew for me earlier when I got home for work. As a wave of vanilla caresses my senses, I couldn’t wait to see what else he had in store for me. He handed me a glass of wine and as I took a couple of sips I couldn’t help but think how the light of the candles made his shirtless body even more irresistible than it already was detailing every muscle perfectly. Especially the "V" that form at the bottom of his stomach, beckoning me to reveal what was underneath his black satin pajama pants that outlined his semi-hard dick. He let out a soft laugh as he watches my eyes take in his beauty and said, “you’re the beautiful one” in his smooth baritone voice. My eyes immediately shifted to his chestnut brown eyes, at the shock of him knowing what I was thinking. He flashes that smile that always made me weak in the knees. He then motions me to sit on the bed with him as we toast to our love. Setting his drink on the bed stand after taking a couple of sips, he looks me deep in my eyes as if he was trying to see into my soul. And in an instant we kiss.

His lips were so soft and as his tongue search for mine I hunger for more of his sweet taste. Pleasure pulsates throughout my body as his tongue slowly slips from my mouth to my neck. He then lays me down and kisses my body by planting soft gentle kisses that turns me on even more. The touch of his hands and lips simultaneously touching my body sends me into pure ecstasy. Moaning softly with every kiss, I then felt his tongue enter me. Gripping the sheets with every thrust of his tongue, my moans became louder and louder as he held my body down to keep me from moving away. “Ahhh,” was all I can say as his tongue swirled inside of me. After a half and hour of being inside of me, he pulled out. I was exhausted with pleasure but still my body wanted more . . .

more of him.

I watch him as he pulled off his silk pajama pants revealing what I have been waiting for. As I sat up in the bed I couldn’t help but admired the perfect length/width of his dick. My mouth began to water as his dick began to throb, eagerly wanting to find its refuge in my mouth. I took his dick into my hand and began to let it slowly slip into my eager mouth. Tasting his sweetness as my tongue swirled around the head and then down his shaft. I could tell by his moans that he was enjoying it as much as I was. With every stroke of my tongue, I could feel his heart pulsating faster and faster. I decided that I will try something new and see how he reacts. I then laid him down on the bed with his dick still in my mouth. And as I went up and down on his dick, sucking it like lollipop; I started to vibrate my tongue along his shaft to the tip of his dick. ”Aww, shit baby!” was all he could muster as his toes curled and his eyes closed shut trying to force his nut back. I decided that enough was enough; I had to have him inside of me . . .

He slowly enters me cautiously, trying not to hurt me. I moan as I felt my insides begin to stretch and warp tightly around his dick. Inch by inch he filled me up to full capacity. He tells me to put my legs around his neck as he slowly goes in and out of me. He knew I would try to run but the missionary position he had me in kept me from moving at all. I was his to have and his to take. He looked deeply in my eyes and tells me to relax as he felt me tighten up. I obey his command. The pain soon subsides then pure pleasure overtook me. The more he thrust deep inside the more I wanted him to go even deeper. Noticing my moans of pleasures he thrusts his dick deeper and faster inside of me. Taking my body, mind and soul to places it never has been before. An insatiable hunger was building up in me. My hands grip the sheets anticipating the orgasmic pleasure he was about to cause, but he stops and tells me not yet. “I want this to last forever,” he whispers as he pulls out of me and lies on the bed motioning for me to ride him. I slowly slid down on his dick as my body felt empty with out him inside of me. Up and down I went on his dick. I love the control I had over him as I tighten my insides around his dick when I went down, and slowly releasing him as I went up. I move with fervor as I heard his moans grew louder. I couldn’t control myself anymore . . . I had to have his nut. I quicken my motions as I slid up and down on his dick. I could feel his body tense up underneath me as I tighten up even harder. In between his heavy breathing he tires to muster up the words “stop” but couldn’t. He and I knew that it was only a matter of time. As I rode his dick faster and harder I felt that I was about to orgasm too. His heavy breathing and my moans turn each of us on even more. And as I went down on his dick for the last time and I felt both of our orgasms coming on

I . . . I . . . I . . . I . . .










Woke up . . . “Dam!” . . .






Was all I could think of.

Feelings (A Letter to Love) (revised)

"When I find you again,
I’m a love you the best way I can.
I can’t promise you much,
But what I can promise is,
That I will give you all of me this time.


Wounded spirit,
I yearn,
To feel you,
To touch you,
To truly be with you,
In Mind,
In Body,
In Soul,

And,
In,

Love,

You have been there all along,
Even when I chose not to,
Acknowledge your existence.

I took you for granted.
I lost you,
Once before,
And I lost you once again.


I cried myself to sleep,
To the song we made Love to.
Awoke with fresh tears on my pillow.
Because I dreamed about having you apart of me once again.

To be in your presence once again,
To taste your sweetness once again,
Even if it is just for a second
Or another life time

To be in Love with you Love
once again…."