Apple Cinnamon & Vanilla

As I sat in my living room thinking about the past few months of this year, I just couldn’t help but to grow a little sad. “What has happen to my life”, I thought to myself. It was a warm spring evening; I had poured me a glass of wine and open the sliding screen door to let some fresh air into the living room. A warm breeze with a slight chill gently hit my face. The breeze filled my living room and gave me a relaxing vibe feeling. “I love spring evenings”, I thought as I went to go get my candle lighter. I had lit several of my favorite scented candles, which were apple cinnamon and vanilla; the room began to smell like apple pie and vanilla ice cream. The mood was set; all I needed was a little background music to help me think about some current events that took place in my life. I went and pull out my cd case, and I found this CD with no writing on it, but it did have a sad face on it and the number 3. “Perfect”, I thought. “This fits my mood perfectly”. When I put the CD in the CD player and sat in my chair and took a sip of the wine, I listened to the first song which brought tears to my eyes.



The song faded into the background of the living room. Tears began to fall out of my eyes as I realized how I allowed a man to come into my life and rip my heart out. I took another sip of my wine and set the glass down on the side table beside the chair. I sat up in the chair and drop my head. I was tired, tired of all the lying, him treating me as if I was nothing and all of the lonely nights as he left me to deal with the issues of my life on my own. I was just tired of putting in 100 + and all I was getting was 20. I was tired of sacrificing for him but when I want him to do the same it was an issue. I had put my life on pause to get him back on his feet. I’ve been used, my bank account was low, my spirit was drained and I just couldn’t give anymore. Now he’s gone and I’m alone. . . Another breeze blew through the living room making the candles flicker light in the living room. I just sat in the moment and smile to myself as I listen to the next song.

As the second song filled my room with its last note, I just couldn’t help but think, “Would I truly be alright?” I looked at my wine glass and glanced all around my living. I had paused and admired a piece of art that I had brought at an art gallery. The painting was of a small child gazing down a river’s path. The child was alone in the painting so I had assumed that he was lost and couldn’t find his way home, but somehow it seemed as though the child knew that if he follows the river’s path, he will eventually make it home because the child’s facial expression was at peace as the river flowed in the direction of the sun. As I reached for my wine glass, I just thought of how much I am just like the lost boy in the painting. I have been up and down since my recent break up. I had turned into “that” guy desperate for love, wanting and needing it. I had lost myself in him trying desperately to please his every need, pushing my needs aside hoping he won’t leave me. When and where did I make this wrong turn? . . . “God something has got to change”, I thought. I just sat, closed my eyes and had a long overdue talk with God. Tears flow as my conversation went on for an hour. . . I had opened my eyes and just spoke through the tears. “I may have to be alone for a while, but if that is what I have to do to get back to me, then that is exactly what I will do. Another breeze blew into my living room as if God himself was pleased. I sat back in my chair and picked up my glass of wine and listened to last song on the CD with an expression of peace on my face like the little boy in the painting.