“Jacob. . . Jacob!” said my mom running towards me.
“The doctor said she doesn’t have much time”
“What happen to her?” I said as I began to tear up.
“The doctor said she had a stroke and he’s expecting the worst”
Just then a middle age white man came out of my grandmother’s room.
“How is my grandmother doing doctor?”
“Please call me Dr. Murphy”.
“Your grandmother is stable right now, but I am certain she doesn’t have much longer”
“Why are you so certain?” I said
“The stroke caused a severed reduction in blood to the brain causing her brain to be deprived of oxygen”
“Can I see her?” I said as the thought of me losing my grandma became a reality.
“Yes, but just one person at a time”
“You go baby” my mom said.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself in there, seeing my mother in a hospital bed.”
“We’ll just stand out here and pray for Grandma Mattie” said my mom
I gave my mother a hug and proceed into the room. It was weird seeing her like this; lying in that hospital bed with a mask over her face. I couldn’t help but shed some more tears as I listen to the heart monitor beep to the rhythm of my grandma’s heart beat. I thought back to a past memory of me and my grandma. She was holding me in her arms when I was six, singing her favorite hymn.
“Jesus, keep me near the cross,
There a precious fountain
Free to all, a healing stream
Flows from Calvary’s mountain.”
*Grandma Mattie sung the beautiful hymn*
“What is that you’re singing grandma?” I said as I looked up into her warm brown eyes.
“It’s an old hymn baby” said grandma humming the rest of the hymn.
“Why do you sing it?”
“Because it keeps me going baby”
“How does it keep you going grandma?”
“Because it reminds that all my troubles won’t last forever baby”
“I don’t understand?” I said making a confused face at my grandma
“You will baby” said grandma rubbing my cheek.
She went back to singing the old hymn. As my eyes began to close, I heard grandma say, “And when you do go through the hard times, never forget these two things; never forget who God is, and never forget who you are baby”.
*Singing* “In the cross, in the cross,
Be my glory ever;
Till my rapture soul shall find
Rest beyond the river.”
I held my grandma’s hand and began to sing her favorite hymn as the heart monitor beats got slower and slower.
“Near the cross I’ll watch and wait
Hoping, trusting ever,
Till I reach the golden strand,
Just beyond the river.”
As I sung the last word the heart monitor flat lined
“Nurse! Doctor! HELLPPP, PLEASSEE” I yelled as I held on to my grandma’s hand hoping that she will come back to me.
The Dr. Murphy rushed in, but he knew it was too late.
“Please help her doctor!”
“I’m sorry son, but there is nothing I can do”
“There has to be something, where’s the fucking crash cart, GO GET THE FUCKING CRASH CART!!!” I said as the pain rolled in my stomach
“I’m sorry but again there is nothing I can do” the doctor said as he clicked off the heart monitor.
Just then something clicked inside of me. My pain turned into anger and before I knew it I had attacked the doctor. I just kept hitting and hitting. I heard someone yell for security and when I realized what I have done; I was being escorted out of the hospital. I thought I was going to jail but the guard just told me to go home and don’t come back. As I reluctantly went back to the parking and got back in my car, I felt the pain of loss filled my insides. I just laid my head on the steering wheel and cried.