Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Eventually Everything Comes to the Light Pt. 3

The Characters
Donavon – Main Character
Jersey – Donavon’s boyfriend

B (Real Name – Brian) – Jersey’s Paramou
r

Trent - Brian's Old College Friend

Well I know its been awhile. Please forgive me for taking five months to write another installment to the EEC2TL Series. I was looking back on my old post and I couldn't believe that I just let the story hang. Me and a friend of my (Mz. Bells) been helping with some ideas for the story line. So if you haven't read part 1 and 2 they are located in the month of June of 2009.

Five Months & Some Feelings


“Dam”, was what I thought when I looked over at the clock. B was sleeping peacefully in the bed after our little fuck session. “Fuck, that boy knew how to put it on a nigga”, “The way he moved his ass up on down on my shit”, I thought to myself smiling at the memory. It’s been five months since me and B been fucking on the side. I was still involve with Donavon. It was tough between us at first and after two months of arguing and shit, he finally let up after I told him there was nothing even going on between us. Guess he got tired of fighting with me. I told B that we needed to cool it for awhile while I tie up the loose ends to make Donavon feel secure. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fuck out of Donavon. He’s been there when I didn’t have shit. He help me through a rough patch in my life when know seem to care. I really do love him but lately it seems as though that spark we once had isn’t there anymore, but to find a dude that can love me like Donavon can, is dam there near next to impossible. You know how these gays are out here, seems like all they think about is getting the dick and once they got what they want. Mother fuckers bounce right on the next dick. Now I'm not knocking a hoeish nigga, when a nigga needs to get his dick wet, these hoes out here are just what I need to get the job done. But like the old saying goes, “You can’t turn a hoe, into a housewife especially no nigga”.


I glance over at B, “Dam, he look so fucking good and his boxer briefs. B was the type of dude that was a man in the streets and at home, but as soon as I got his ass in the sheets, he became the bitch I needed. We didn’t argue like Donavon and I did and if we did it wasn't over some pussy shit. He was like one of the homeboys that I smash once in awhile. I smile to myself as I gazed at B. . . . there was something different about this nigga. I mean it was all about the fucking at first, but now I think I was actually starting to develop feelings for him. “What are you thinking about Jersey?” B said lifting his head up from the pillow. “Nothing baby”. “Just thinking about how sexy you look when you sleep”. “Awww, well aren’t you fucking sweet” B said in a tired voice. “Isn’t it almost time for you to head back to your fucking Donavon”, “Yeah, it is” Jersey said in dull tone. It was almost five in the morning. I told Donavon that I had to work late and will not be coming home till early in the morning. He protest a little, but as soon as I laid this good dick on his ass, he had no objections. I notice B was staring at my boxers when I felt my dick jump at the thought of fucking. “Seems like someone is ready for another round”, “Nah, I’m good man, I really need to be heading home” I said as I grab my pants off the floor. Before I knew it B was in front of me, grabbing my shit. “Fuck, B I really got to go” I said pushing him away. B didn’t said a word, instead he pulled my pants out of my hands and slid my boxers down to my knees. “let me just handle this before you go” and as the last word left his lips, he began licking the head of my dick. Tasting my pre-nut and before I could stop him he had me balls deep in his mouth. “I told you there was something about this nigga, besides I still have time to spare”, I thought as I laid back on the bed.



Friday Morning . . . Poor Donavon


I awake in our sun lit room to find that Jersey hasn’t come home yet. Concern came across my face, but soon disappear when I thought back to our conversation yesterday. “Don’t wait up for me” said Jersey. Even though I knew he was working I still had this strange feeling that there was something more to the story than what he was telling me. “I shouldn’t be thinking like this” I thought to myself. Just then I heard the door slam down stairs. “Jersey is that you?” I yelled. “Who else could it be” he said in a aggravated tone. “Don’t be a smart ass Jersey”, “Look babe, I’m really tired from work; lets not start this morning” Jersey said as he walked into the bedroom. “Your right” I said getting up to give him a hug. Before I could even get close to him he pushes me away; talking about he needed to shower. “Alright” I said, “Do you want some breakfast”. “Nah, I’m good, I think I’m just going to go ahead and hit the bed and rest up for tonight. “You have to work again tonight?” I said. “Of course, and it looks like I’m going be coming home late again” he said with a smile, trying to keep the peace between us. “Okay”, I said in disappointed tone. “Thanks babe, I knew you will understand”. “Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you” he said grabbing his dick. I wasn’t that impress. It seem lately that sex was Jersey’s answer to everything. Sex with Jersey was hell of good, but it was the little things he used to do which turned me on. I remember how we would talk all night, play video games together, and how he used to say “I Love You” every chance he got. But as I gaze upon this man. I don’t even know who he is anymore. A stranger who is living in my house. “Donavon? Donavon?” he yelled, snapping me out of my thoughts. “I knew the dick was good, but dam babe”, “Got you daydreaming and shit” Jersey said smiling that smile I use to know before heading off to the bathroom. All I could do was just sigh.


Friends for Life?


B’s old college roommate has come back into town from California and they both decided to meet up at a restaurant to catch up on old times.


“What up Trent?” “Haven’t seen you in awhile?” B said getting up from the table giving Trent a enthusiastic hug. Trent was about 6’4 weighing about 236lbs and had muscles for days. Trent was a gym rat in college and by the looks of his body, he still was. Trent, not only had looks, he was also a gentleman through and through. At first glance you wouldn’t even think that Trent was gay. Trent and I were excellent at hiding that side of ourselves from each other in college. Both of us didn’t even have a clue; until one day, I was on a black gay social networking site and he hit me up. Well I didn’t know who he was at the time because we both didn’t have pictures posted. We were afraid that some dude might recognize us. We were so nervous about dudes finding us out that we even use fake names to give us more cover. What can I say, when it came to being discreet we had it down pack. Anyways, Trent or should I say (David) and I decided to meet up at a restaurant the following day, we’ve exchange phone numbers and he told me to call him when I get there. Me being the impatient one, decided that I want to at least hear his voice before I go off and meet a dude who turns out to be the opposite of what I was expecting. Now mind you, when I decided to call we were both in our dorm room. So I dial the number and Trent’s phone rung. I didn’t even think nothing of it. I actually thought it was an odd coincidence. Trent pick up the phone and when I heard his voice on my end. We both look at each other in shock. After an awkward moment of silence, Trent just started to laugh to break the tension. We had a long talk and came to the conclusion that it was best not to hook up because Trent felt a little weird about us being friends and he didn’t want to ruin that. Which is understandable, but I wouldn’t had mind getting a piece of Trent. Since the move we didn't talk that much, but we always made an effort to keep in contact with one another and I'm glad we did, still buddies for life . . .at least for now.


“So hows California been treating you and how long you will be staying?” I said. “Well California has been treating me good, but my job decided to transfer me back to work with the Atlanta branch”. “So does that mean . . .” “Yes, I will be here in good ol' Atlanta, Georgia until further notice” said Trent with a excited smile.


“Ahh man thats great, were going to have to celebrate, how about we go to our old hangout spot?”

“Man, I thought Club X closed down a long time ago”.


“Nah, man its still going strong and it's still the hottest spot to pick up the finest niggas in the ATL; in fact I met someone there”, I said.


“Oh, really. So B finally met someone. That’s great man I thought you will never stick with one dude considering what had happen in college”. Trent said in a concern tone.


“Ah man, why you gotta bring shit up from the past and besides it’s not even like that, but I think there is a possibility”


“Well who ever it is, seems like a great guy, but make sure you know who your dealing with; The last guy you messed with nearly had you put in the hospital”. said Trent deepen his concern tone.


“Don’t worry man, I’m the one in control this time”


“Alright, alright, I’ll trust in your judgement” said Trent.


“Yeah, man, anyway enough about me are we still on for tonight?” said B


“Yeah, I need to get out anyway”, said Trent.


“Yeah you do maybe you’ll meet someone out here”


“It’s funny you should said that man. There is someone out here whom I’m looking forward to getting re-aquatinted with”, said Trent with a smile on his face.


“Oh yeah, thats right you did use to go with Donavon” said B with a sly smile.




To be Continue . . .


Feelings (A Letter to Love) (revised)


"When I find you again,
I’m a love you the best way I can.
I can’t promise you much,
But what I can promise is,
That I will give you all of me this time.


Wounded spirit,
I yearn,
To feel you,
To touch you,
To truly be with you,
In Mind,
In Body,
In Soul,

And,
In,

Love,

You have been there all along,
Even when I chose not to,
Acknowledge your existence.

I took you for granted.
I lost you,
Once before,
And I lost you once again.


I cried myself to sleep,
To the song we made Love to.
Awoke with fresh tears on my pillow.
Because I dreamed about having you apart of me once again.

To be in your presence once again,
To taste your sweetness once again,
Even if it is just for a second
Or another life time

To be in Love with you Love
once again…."


Mental Slavery: Letting Go of the Labels . . .


One of the hardest things to do in life is to let go of a situation, material things, or a person. Why is that? I've been reading "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and he talks about how we define ourselves by things we associate ourselves with, believing that without this associating relationship with things, or people we'll lose our identity. I thought about this and I started to think on all the things that bound me some how. I thought about my religion and how I put God in a box. Michale Eric Dyson say it the best. Mr. Dyson said, "When we close our bibles doesn't mean that God stops speaking". Not his exact words but pretty close. I also thought about my sexuality and how my usage of labels created for me a box, which allowed me to operate only in the confines of its boundaries. I remember speaking to this one man who claim that being gay was not who he was but something that he does. We debated on the subject and in conclusion we agreed to disagree. Now when I look back, he was just saying that "I don't identify with gay, it's not who I am". There are so many labels I give myself and unknowingly live within the boundaries of these labels. Now there was a time in my life where I wanted nothing to do with anything gay, my reasoning was that (All gay men isn't capable of love).

Hey, I was young at the time LOL.

Anyways, with that reasoning in my "young" mind, I decided to remove myself from the gay lifestyle. So I started to drop gay men that obviously wasn't going anywhere in there lives. Basically going through my phone book on my cell deleting numbers. To make a long story short, I started to get bored, then I felt empty inside and then lonely. I couldn't let the lifestyle go because the lifestyle had become who I was. How often we find ourselves trapped in the confines of labels that we or other people give to us. Gay, Straight, Bi, Black, White, Asian, Racist, Sexy, Top, Bottom, Versatile, Man, Woman, Christian, Muslim, Low Class, High Class, Middle Class, Classy, Hoe and so many more. What happens to a person who dis-identifies with labels and release the chains of a mental slavery . . . I wonder is that what true freedom is like . . . free to just be me . . .

Just As I Am: E. Lynn Harris


" 'You know I love you . . . that I believe in you. You know what's in my heart. I'm sorry I was hiding. I was hurting. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to let the people who claim they represent you take away my faith. I won't let them do that. They can't have my faith. But can't there be joy in faith, joy in love. I know you love me. I know that one day I'll have love right here,' Sean said as he punched his fist toward his heart. 'I love you, Lord, and I know you love me. If I have to be alone here on earth, then please don't let me be lonely. Show me the way and I will follow. I won't hide anymore. And when it hurts, I'll know that you're there, ready to soothe me, when soothing is what I need. Thank you, Lord and tell everybody, hey. All my friends. Tell Zach hi and for him to give Zurich a clue. Okay . . . I love you. I believe in you and I will talk to you again real soon. Peace out, God!'"

"Tears began to roll down Sean's face, and the cool wind dried them. Talking to God made Sean feel strong, sure of himself. He took a deep breath of the cool air, and suddenly, he knew who he was and what he wanted. He felt cleansed by his talk and wind seemed to vitalize him with a surge of hope. He had the feeling of satisfaction that came from making a positive step in life, a big step. Sean blew a kiss toward the sky and moon and went back to his apartment and slept."

Source: "And This Too Shall Pass" (pg. 335-336)


When I had heard of E. Lynn Harris' death, I didn't even know what to think. I was doing my usually "boredashell" web surfing and I caught a glimpse of a news headline that said E. Lynn Harris had died. When I found the website, I thought, "What in the world is going on". It seems like all the good ones are being taken away from us and too soon at that. Then I thought back to my favorite E. Lynn Harris' book "And This Too Shall Pass". I remember reading this book when I was living in Houston, Texas a couple of years ago. I was working as an intern then for an HBCU. Anyways I was in the medical Library and as I was reading the passage above. I couldn't help but shed some tears. Books made me laugh, made me angry but I have never read a book that made me cry nor made me feel that my sexuality wasn't something ugly but a treasure to be cherished. Like I said in a comment on a fellow blogger's blog. "For me he (E. Lynn Harris) bridged the gap between me, being gay and my relationship with the Lord". I'm going to miss you E. Lynn Harris. And I thank you for breathing life into a sexuality that seem to be looked upon as something dirty and transforming it into something beautiful.

Ambiguous

Hard to explain,
Try to keep quiet.
Hard to comprehend,
Try not to understand it.

Assured yet doubtful,
Benevolent, yet cruel,
Simple yet convoluted,
Is this feeling I have for you…

Romans 8:28 & Psalms 73: For The Good of Them

"There have been plenty of times in college where I woke up in the middle of the night with a heavy heart. Feeling lost, confused and lonely and at the time all I had was GOD, myself and my music for encouragement. So this is a little story of mine, just me talking with God and telling a story. Enjoy..."


I’m sitting here writing this not only for me but to who ever is reading this, maybe someone will get encouragement out of this. Sometimes in the middle of the night I awake with a pain deep in my heart, it brings tears to my eyes as I ponder on why I am here? What is my purpose? It seems that I take two steps forward and I always being pushed not only three steps back but all the way to the starting line. My dreams aren’t being realized, love seems like it don’t even want to be bother with me. And sometimes GOD, I just feel like you have given up on me.

Why is it I’m the one helping others but when I need help no one is there for me, Why is it that I give love but when I need love no one is there for me! I give myself to others and when I need to rely on them I’m the one that gets left outside in the cold. I carry the problems of others, while ignoring my own. I try to be the best person you taught me to be. But it seems like the more I do good the worst my situation gets.....

Can’t you see my tears Lord!, can’t you hear me crying to you!, can’t you feel my pain? I’m trying Lord!, I am trying my best!


I...I...I thank you for the good times I had but I can’t even enjoy my good times because I’m worrying how long it will last because my good times are short lived. Will I ever be happy, will I ever smile again, will I ever stop crying and
waking up with this heavy burden on my heart. I love you GOD but sometimes I just don’t know about your plans. Sometimes I wish you can just give me a glimpse of my wonderful future that I hear people telling me, you have for me. Just a glimpse, so that I can keep on going, keep moving forward, so that I can rest in knowing that all of these problems, friends walking out, family not being supportive, feelings of loneliness, knowing that I am not going through this storm in vain. I’m sorry to question you like this but sometimes it hurts so much that I have to to ask you GOD, “is this really necessary?”

And with a quickness, in the late hour, a voice that was soothing to my soul said to me, “Just be still, I’m working on it”.

And in a instant I felled right asleep and though my pillows were wet, I slept so peaceful. When the morning came that same soothing voice said to me before I could raise my head up, “All things work together for the Good of them”. "Since, you've questioned me, I just have one question for you". “Do you Love Me?”


Yes, was my answer...

I smiled a wonderful smile, joy came that morning. And though my situation is still the same, I now have a new perspective...


Because in the end I know that it will workout for (you say it it)!



Play Me :)



Eventually Everything Comes to the Light Pt. 2

The Characters
Donavon – Main Character
Jersey – Donavon’s boyfriend

B (Real Name –Brian) – Jersey’s Paramour


The Argument:


As I walked through the kitchen, through the living room and back up the stairs, by anger grew. The thoughts of Jersey making love to another man were too much for me to bear. My tears came pouring out as I walked into our bedroom and told Jersey to get his ass up. “What’s up baby?” said Jersey with a confused look on his face. “Jersey, I have to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me, okay?” “Babe, can’t this wait, I got to get up in a few”. “No, this can’t wait!” yelled Donavon. “Babe, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Just then Donavon walks over towards the bed and picks up Jersey’s pants and pulls out Jersey's cell phone. “Who the fuck is B, Jersey?” said Donavon showing Jersey the text message. “Yo, what the fuck you doing reading my text messages?” said Jersey, sitting himself up in the bed. “Man, don’t try and turn this shit on me bruh, who the fuck is B?” “B is just a dude I met at the club.” “We dance and that was that!” said Jersey grabbing his cell phone out of Donavon’s hand. “See, this is what I’m talking about” “What you mean?” said Donavon. “I can’t stand when you get jealous; you act like a straight bitch.” “Getting upset over some text message” said Jersey in a nasty tone. “I’m not jealous…” “Fine okay I just think it’s suspicious that some dude you may have dance with or flirted with in the club is sending you a text message like this” “Did you even tell him you had a boyfriend?” said Donavon breathing kind of hard. “No, I didn’t”, said Jersey in a harsh tone. “Look babe nothing didn’t even happen, I don’t even no why you are tripping off of this”. “I feel as though you had been drifting away from me Jersey, it’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore”. “You work, go to the clubs and…” said Donavon being cut off by Jersey. “I don’t want hear this bitchiness okay!” “You’re a man so fucking act like it” said Jersey lying back down in the bed. “I’m going back to sleep, I don’t want to hear nothing more of this fucking drama, end of the fucking discussion!” said Jersey rolling over on his side.

So What the Fuck Really Had Happen at the Club?


Jersey and Donavon didn’t speak much that morning. An eerie feeling was being felt as the two walked passed each throughout the house. As Donavon wondered what Jersey could have been hiding, Jersey was relieved that he dodged a huge bullet early this morning.


See, this is what really had happen….


Jersey and his boys saw B dancing on dance floor at the club and Jersey decided to flirt a bit and dance with B in spite of his boys telling that isn’t a good idea, but Jersey went over any way. Jersey found B to not only be sexy and masculine but very intelligent. Qualities that Donavon obviously had but B had something else. He was spontaneous and sexually adventurous. Before he knew it, Jersey found him self turned on by the sexual moves B put on him on the dance floor. Donavon was more of a classy type of guy and would have never done some of the moves B was doing. This is the reason why Jersey never asked Donavon to the club, because the truth is, Donavon was no fun. As B rub his firm ass against Jersey’s now hard dick, Jersey knew in an instant that B had some type of move up his sleeve but what came next was unexpected.


As B grind even harder against Jersey’s dick, B turn to face Jersey and slid down Jersey’s body and started to unzip his pants and pulled Jersey’s dick out. Before Jersey could have stopped him, Jersey’s 9in dick was down B’s throat right on the dance floor. Jersey couldn’t resist the warmth of B’s mouth as B slurp and sucked his dick with a passion. Jersey looked up and closed his eyes and started to moan. Dudes in the club surrounded them and watch as B gave Jersey the best head he ever had. With the added quality of being watch and B’s warm mouth, Jersey felt his orgasm, he tried to pull out of B’s mouth but B wouldn’t let go of his dick. In a couple minutes Jersey had nutted down B’s mouth. And B being the pro dick sucker he was drank all of Jersey’s nut. Although Jersey had nutted, B kept on sucking and had Jersey’s body jerking with pulsating pleasure as his dick became extra sensitive. But the more B sucked, Jersey felt his dick get hard once again and in a few seconds Jersey had nutted once more.

Dudes in the club look on in amazement at B’s oral skills as Me'shell Ndegeocello’s - Soul Searching was now playing in the background. B then got up and took Jersey to the back of the club. That night Jersey fucked B with a passion, at least three times. Indeed sex with B was way better than with Donavon and Jersey needed the release. They exchange numbers and Jersey said “I will text you later tonight” “Okay man, make sure you do; I’ll be waiting”, said B grabbing Jersey’s crotch and licking his lips. Jersey just smiled as he left to go back to where his boys were sitting. Later that night Jersey did some more drinking and some club hopping with his boys.

Coming home drunk to Donavon sleeping in the bed, Jersey couldn’t help but think of B as he pull off his clothes and got into bed. As Jersey drifted of to sleep he knew one thing; he was definitely coming back for some of B’s tight ass.

But little did Jersey know that B already knew who he was, who Donavon was, and that the two were in a relationship. In fact B is Donavon’s co-worker. And now B who had a crush on Jersey for the longest had tasted Jersey’s sweet nectar and now was determine to make Jersey his by any means necessary.


“That bitch Donavon doesn’t deserve a man like Jersey”, B thought as he looked at the piece of paper in his hand with Jersey’s cell number as he waited for Jersey to text him. Of course no text was received so B, knowing full well that it’s best to have the dude who is in the relationship text you first, but B decided to go ahead and stir up some trouble.


To be continued...

Eventually Everything Comes to the Light Pt. 1


I awoken out of my sleep in the middle of the night, just to find that your not here laying next to me. My thoughts rush back earlier today when we had a huge argument about you going to clubs. He would always tell me that it was my insecurities getting the best of me. It really wasn’t, I actually don’t mind him hanging out with his friends, but it just seems the clubs are the most important thing to him than hanging out with me on a Friday or Saturday night. I would watch him and his boys get tipsy every Friday, Saturday and even some Sunday nights before they would head for the club. As I sit here in the bed and think about it, I notice that he never asked me once if I wanted to go. I try to go one time but he told me that he needed his “me time”. I lay back down in our empty bed and try to sleep the loneliness away.

It’s 4:08 am in the morning. I hear you stumbling into our room smelling of smoke and sweat. I watch you strip to your boxers, your so drunk you don’t even notice that I’m still awake. He climbs into bed with out saying a word to me and in a couple of seconds your sleep. I sit myself up and just look at him. I don’t even know this man anymore. How did it get to be like this? How did I let him slip away from me? Maybe he does need his me time, I mean I know I do sometimes. I guess I should count my blessings that he made it home... right? So why do I feel the way I do?

Just when I was about to lay back down in our bed. I hear a buzzing sound in his pants pocket on the floor. I try to wake you but your to drunk to come out of your sleep. It was his phone telling him he had a text message. Sometimes my man would get text messages about meetings he have to attend for his job, and it was always me that made sure he gets the message. I reach to grab his pants off the floor and pull his cell phone out his pocket. I open the phone to view the message.

It Read....

Hey baby,

I hope u made it bac ok, I really Njoy our night 2gether, it was hot. 2 bad u had 2 rush off. I cant wait til next time

B from club X

I closed the cell phone and put it back where I found it. I quietly eased myself up from the bed and went out the room. Pain and hatred was my friends as I sat on on the back porch looking up at the moon. All of the missing pieces were now falling into place. I now know why we didn’t make love like we use to, the feelings of him not being here even though he was sleeping next to me, and him wanting his “me time”. It was starting to make sense.

I walked into our kitchen and pace back and forth. The more I paced the more angry I became. Morning was soon on its way. “What am I to do”, I thought. “And who the hell is this B?”, I whisper to myself. I gaze at the set of knives on the kitchen counter. Before I knew it I was pulling the butcher knife out. My mind was entertaining the idea of doing something I know I would regret. I slam the knife down on the table.
I thought maybe I could be over acting but that thought quickly diminished as the anger pulsated through my body. Five years I been with this man. Finally the tears came which were bitter hatred tears. “I have to pull myself together”, I said as I wiped my tears away.

I am 30 years old, I could go up there angry and fight with him, or I can go up there and face his ass like a man; find out what the real deal is. I’ll give him a chance to man up and tell me the truth but if not I know for a fact that eventually everything comes to the light.

Stay Tune...

You Fail To Understand...

This piece is entitled "You Fail To Understand" its not perfect just the out pour of my feelings. Hope you enjoy!

You fail to understand...
That I'm only human.
That love is not absent from my needs.

You fail to understand...
That I get lonely,
That I cry too.

You fail to understand...
The real me because
your so wrap up in your own issues.

At times its seems that loneliness
is all I got

Then comes misery,
because you know she loves company.

When you look at me,
do you know what
I'm hiding
do you know why
I'm hurting
do you know why
I don't let you get any closer
do you know why
I act the way I do

I don't expect you to be my GOD,
And I don't expect you to take my pain away,
but I do expect you to understand
even if you only get me just a little bit,

................

But you don't,
Even if I pour my heart out to you,
Say what's on mind,
Express my living soul.

You still won't get it,
because you fail to understand.......


Me

About The Writer

My photo
A young brother working on his craft. In this blog you will see everything from stories, poems to random stuff. I think its important that every one just keeps writing what ever it may be, just keep writing we all got a story to tell. So why not let people hear your story. Plus you will hear some of my favorite music.