"When I find you again, I’m a love you the best way I can. I can’t promise you much, But what I can promise is, That I will give you all of me this time.
Wounded spirit, I yearn, To feel you, To touch you, To truly be with you, In Mind, In Body, In Soul,
And, In,
Love,
You have been there all along, Even when I chose not to, Acknowledge your existence.
I took you for granted. I lost you, Once before, And I lost you once again.
I cried myself to sleep, To the song we made Love to. Awoke with fresh tears on my pillow. Because I dreamed about having you apart of me once again.
To be in your presence once again, To taste your sweetness once again, Even if it is just for a second Or another life time
One of the hardest things to do in life is to let go of a situation, material things, or a person. Why is that? I've been reading "The Power of Now" by EckhartTolle and he talks about how we define ourselves by things we associate ourselves with, believing that without this associating relationship with things, or people we'll lose our identity. I thought about this and I started to think on all the things that bound me some how. I thought about my religion and how I put God in a box. Michale Eric Dyson say it the best. Mr. Dyson said, "When we close our bibles doesn't mean that God stops speaking". Not his exact words but pretty close. I also thought about my sexuality and how my usage of labels created for me a box, which allowed me to operate only in the confines of its boundaries. I remember speaking to this one man who claim that being gay was not who he was but something that he does. We debated on the subject and in conclusion we agreed to disagree. Now when I look back, he was just saying that "I don't identify with gay, it's not who I am". There are so many labels I give myself and unknowingly live within the boundaries of these labels. Now there was a time in my life where I wanted nothing to do with anything gay, my reasoning was that (All gay men isn't capable of love).
Hey, I was young at the time LOL.
Anyways, with that reasoning in my "young" mind, I decided to remove myself from the gay lifestyle. So I started to drop gay men that obviously wasn't going anywhere in there lives. Basically going through my phone book on my cell deleting numbers. To make a long story short, I started to get bored, then I felt empty inside and then lonely. I couldn't let the lifestyle go because the lifestyle had become who I was. How often we find ourselves trapped in the confines of labels that we or other people give to us. Gay, Straight, Bi, Black, White, Asian, Racist, Sexy, Top, Bottom, Versatile, Man, Woman, Christian, Muslim, Low Class, High Class, Middle Class, Classy, Hoe and so many more. What happens to a person who dis-identifies with labels and release the chains of a mental slavery . . . I wonder is that what true freedom is like . . . free to just be me . . .
" 'You know I love you . . . that I believe in you. You know what's in my heart. I'm sorry I was hiding. I was hurting. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to let the people who claim they represent you take away my faith. I won't let them do that. They can't have my faith. But can't there be joy in faith, joy in love. I know you love me. I know that one day I'll have love right here,' Sean said as he punched his fist toward his heart. 'I love you, Lord, and I know you love me. If I have to be alone here on earth, then please don't let me be lonely. Show me the way and I will follow. I won't hide anymore. And when it hurts, I'll know that you're there, ready to soothe me, when soothing is what I need. Thank you, Lord and tell everybody, hey. All my friends. Tell Zach hi and for him to give Zurich a clue. Okay . . . I love you. I believe in you and I will talk to you again real soon. Peace out, God!'" "Tears began to roll down Sean's face, and the cool wind dried them. Talking to God made Sean feel strong, sure of himself. He took a deep breath of the cool air, and suddenly, he knew who he was and what he wanted. He felt cleansed by his talk and wind seemed to vitalize him with a surge of hope. He had the feeling of satisfaction that came from making a positive step in life, a big step. Sean blew a kiss toward the sky and moon and went back to his apartment and slept."
Source: "And This Too Shall Pass" (pg. 335-336)
When I had heard of E. Lynn Harris' death, I didn't even know what to think. I was doing my usually "boredashell" web surfing and I caught a glimpse of a news headline that said E. Lynn Harris had died. When I found the website, I thought, "What in the world is going on". It seems like all the good ones are being taken away from us and too soon at that. Then I thought back to my favorite E. Lynn Harris' book "And This Too Shall Pass". I remember reading this book when I was living in Houston, Texas a couple of years ago. I was working as an intern then for an HBCU. Anyways I was in the medical Library and as I was reading the passage above. I couldn't help but shed some tears. Books made me laugh, made me angry but I have never read a book that made me cry nor made me feel that my sexuality wasn't something ugly but a treasure to be cherished. Like I said in a comment on a fellow blogger's blog. "For me he (E. Lynn Harris) bridged the gap between me, being gay and my relationship with the Lord". I'm going to miss you E. Lynn Harris. And I thank you for breathing life into a sexuality that seem to be looked upon as something dirty and transforming it into something beautiful.
These days it seems that the music that is out today seems to be losing its meaning. Mainstream music has become nothing but hot beats and catchy phrases to go a long with it. My friend and I were talking about this and he gave me a link to Al Sharpton talking about how music should be up-lifting and that....well I let you view the link lol. But I digress...
Without further ado, I would like to present...
Jaspects...A group that has something to say to an up-lifting beat.
I first heard of Jaspects while I was in college and felled in love with them when I first heard "My First Love feat. Janelle Monae" (I'm sure most of you have heard of her) Unlike Ms. Janelle Monae very few people have ever heard of the group Jaspects. This group has successfully blended Jazz music with that of R&B, and Hip-hop. The vibe of this group is addicting. I find myself relaxing to their infectious beat (The music that is playing in the background is Fallin' by Jaspects from there new Album "The Polkadotted Stripe" which came out in April of this year. Another song that I happen to love from "The Polkadotted Stripe" album has to be "Find My Way to Love feat. Chantae Cann" (I love her voice on this track) which makes me feel some type of way.
Here is some background information I found that I think you may find interesting.
"Born during the hip-hop movement, Jaspects integrates their youthful skill to progress music and build a bridge between musical genres. Formally trained alumni of Morehouse College’s music department, Jaspects’ goal is to produce an exhaustive musical experience that involves TRUE freedom of expression via musical and lyrical creativity.
Jaspects’ latest album The Polkadotted Stripe embodies Jaspects’ thesis as it interrogates the idea of musical, social, and political freedom. The concept of the group’s fourth effort procures from the world of fashion. Delving deep into research, Jaspects learned that the fashion truth bastardizing the marriage of polka dots and stripes is man-made. Therefore, Jaspects’ The Polkadotted Stripe inquires: “What is truth?” Upon much discussion and studying, Jaspects recognized that in most instances reality is well, relative. With that in mind, The Polkadotted Stripe defined is someone or something that debunks the notion of social standards.
Jaspects works to rescue the concept of musicianship while breaking down the structural constraints of hip-hop. The band promotes the idea that the culture of hip-hop can support an entity that focuses on musical depth without ostracizing the mainstream fan of the genre. Jaspects uses music as a change agent in ways pioneers such as Public Enemy, Erykah Badu, and Marvin Gaye have. The message conveyed by Jaspects remains consistent, "make your music mean something to the world at-large."
The collective operates out of Atlanta and consists of T. Brown (Memphis, TN), Jon-Christopher Sowells (Dallas), drummer Henry “HC3” Conerway, III (Detroit), Dwayne “Spacey” Dugger (Queens, NY), Stagolee (Aniston, AL), and King James (Stamford, CT). In addition to PDS, Jaspects has released three other independent albums: In ‘House’ Sessions (2005), Broadcasting the Definition (2006), and Double Consciousness (2007).
Individually, Jaspects’ works have appeared in the 2005 major motion picture “Hustle & Flow,” on Chamillionaire’s platinum albums “Chamillitary” and “Sound of Revenge,” on Carlos Santana’s “All That I Am,” and with platinum recording artists David Banner, Wyclef Jean, Big Boi (“Kryptonite”), and Mary J. Blige (“Just Fine”). Collectively, Jaspects has shared bills with: Dwele, Bilal, Mike Phillips, Herbie Hancock, Eric Roberson, Stevie Wonder, Brian McKnight, and rap phoneme Drake. Jaspects has also collaborated with Grammy-nominated artists Janelle Monae, PJ Morton and Anthony David, in addition to Kedar Entertainment act Algebra, and Good Music’s Fonzworth Bentley."
Source: http://www.myspace.com/jaspects
Now before you go, I just have one more thing to show you ;0)
"There have been plenty of times in college where I woke up in the middle of the night with a heavy heart. Feeling lost, confused and lonely and at the time all I had was GOD, myself and my music for encouragement. So this is a little story of mine, just me talking with God and telling a story. Enjoy..."
I’m sitting here writing this not only for me but to who ever is reading this, maybe someone will get encouragement out of this. Sometimes in the middle of the night I awake with a pain deep in my heart, it brings tears to my eyes as I ponder on why I am here? What is my purpose? It seems that I take two steps forward and I always being pushed not only three steps back but all the way to the starting line. My dreams aren’t being realized, love seems like it don’t even want to be bother with me. And sometimes GOD, I just feel like you have given up on me.
Why is it I’m the one helping others but when I need help no one is there for me, Why is it that I give love but when I need love no one is there for me! I give myself to others and when I need to rely on them I’m the one that gets left outside in the cold. I carry the problems of others, while ignoring my own. I try to be the best person you taught me to be. But it seems like the more I do good the worst my situation gets.....
Can’t you see my tears Lord!, can’t you hear me crying to you!, can’t you feel my pain? I’m trying Lord!, I am trying my best! I...I...I thank you for the good times I had but I can’t even enjoy my good times because I’m worrying how long it will last because my good times are short lived. Will I ever be happy, will I ever smile again, will I ever stop crying and waking up with this heavy burden on my heart. I love you GOD but sometimes I just don’t know about your plans. Sometimes I wish you can just give me a glimpse of my wonderful future that I hear people telling me, you have for me. Just a glimpse, so that I can keep on going, keep moving forward, so that I can rest in knowing that all of these problems, friends walking out, family not being supportive, feelings of loneliness, knowing that I am not going through this storm in vain. I’m sorry to question you like this but sometimes it hurts so much that I have to to ask you GOD, “is this really necessary?”
And with a quickness, in the late hour, a voice that was soothing to my soul said to me, “Just be still, I’m working on it”.
And in a instant I felled right asleep and though my pillows were wet, I slept so peaceful. When the morning came that same soothing voice said to me before I could raise my head up, “All things work together for the Good of them”. "Since, you've questioned me, I just have one question for you". “Do you Love Me?” Yes, was my answer...
I smiled a wonderful smile, joy came that morning. And though my situation is still the same, I now have a new perspective... Because in the end I know that it will workout for (you say it it)!
This has truly been a sad day, now I am not the one to get teary eyed over a singer's death, but I'm not even going to lie. Being awoke out of my nap by my mother calling to tell me Michael had passed made me feel some type way, I must admit I didn't even think it was real at first. Until I saw CNN, FOX, and hearing it all on over the radio, I was just in utter shock as I know most of you were. It's reminds you that life can be taken away from anyone in a instant. Hearing Michael's - Stranger In Moscow, brought tears to my eyes and I just started reminiscing on the times I use to dance in front of that TV to Michael's videos, how I use to play "Thriller" countless times, closed my eyes as I listen to Maybe Tomorrow and gotten the chills off of Man in the Mirror. Michael Jackson you will always be dear to my heart and he will forever live on in his music.
Here are some of my favorite songs from Michael Jackson that made me smile, cry, and dance. He would want us to remember all the good things about him. Rest In Peace Michael Jackson you will be Missed.
A young brother working on his craft. In this blog you will see everything from stories, poems to random stuff. I think its important that every one just keeps writing what ever it may be, just keep writing we all got a story to tell. So why not let people hear your story. Plus you will hear some of my favorite music.
